Displaying items by tag: Suzanne Stabile

Picking up from the previous Growing Deeper Blog, The Enneagram and Relationships – Types 1-4, in this blog we will cover types 5 – 8.

Type Fives more than any other type have a tendency to move away from others. They value and protect their physical and emotional space and, even if they are not introverts, need time alone. People and relationships can feel intrusive to them, so they appreciate knowing what is required of them both physically and emotionally. Their strengths lie in observation and understanding. A five I work with said he likes to know things inside and out. And, when they feel competent in an area, they enjoy helping others with their knowledge and wisdom. They are not stingy with what they have to give, as long as they are able to give it on their own terms. For those who desire more spontaneity and emotional connection, Fives can seem very distant and aloof, so it is important to realize that their movement away from people is about meeting their own needs rather than a judgment on others. Respecting the privacy and boundaries of a five are the best way to get along with them. Don’t expect quick decisions but give them room to think things over.

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The Enneagram can be very beneficial in relating with others, particularly those with whom we have lasting relationships whether they be at work, in our families, or in other arenas of life.

Here are a few tips for getting along with the nine Enneagram types.  These are adapted from an article originally written by Peter O’Hanrahan – Building Better Relationships with the Enneagram.

I notice, in writing the paragraphs below, that they all recommend adjustments to our own behaviour and expectations as we strive to have good relationships with others.  This is difficult when we are upset at, fearful of, or shamed by another’s behaviour.  At those times, it is best to pay attention to what is triggering us and our own unspoken needs.  As they say on airplanes, we need to take care of ourselves first, then we are in a better position to help others.  But there are also times when we are open to changes we can make to help in a relationship.  Unfortunately, the default behaviour choice at such times is what we wish others would do for us.  Even when we are trying to listen, we usually do it through our own filter, and this can compound miscommunication and relationship issues.  Knowing the different Enneagram types is extremely helpful because we can look through the lens of each type and consider changes we never would have considered before.

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