Displaying items by tag: relationships

Picking up from the previous Growing Deeper Blog, The Enneagram and Relationships – Types 1-4, in this blog we will cover types 5 – 8.

Type Fives more than any other type have a tendency to move away from others. They value and protect their physical and emotional space and, even if they are not introverts, need time alone. People and relationships can feel intrusive to them, so they appreciate knowing what is required of them both physically and emotionally. Their strengths lie in observation and understanding. A five I work with said he likes to know things inside and out. And, when they feel competent in an area, they enjoy helping others with their knowledge and wisdom. They are not stingy with what they have to give, as long as they are able to give it on their own terms. For those who desire more spontaneity and emotional connection, Fives can seem very distant and aloof, so it is important to realize that their movement away from people is about meeting their own needs rather than a judgment on others. Respecting the privacy and boundaries of a five are the best way to get along with them. Don’t expect quick decisions but give them room to think things over.

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The Enneagram can be very beneficial in relating with others, particularly those with whom we have lasting relationships whether they be at work, in our families, or in other arenas of life.

Here are a few tips for getting along with the nine Enneagram types.  These are adapted from an article originally written by Peter O’Hanrahan – Building Better Relationships with the Enneagram.

I notice, in writing the paragraphs below, that they all recommend adjustments to our own behaviour and expectations as we strive to have good relationships with others.  This is difficult when we are upset at, fearful of, or shamed by another’s behaviour.  At those times, it is best to pay attention to what is triggering us and our own unspoken needs.  As they say on airplanes, we need to take care of ourselves first, then we are in a better position to help others.  But there are also times when we are open to changes we can make to help in a relationship.  Unfortunately, the default behaviour choice at such times is what we wish others would do for us.  Even when we are trying to listen, we usually do it through our own filter, and this can compound miscommunication and relationship issues.  Knowing the different Enneagram types is extremely helpful because we can look through the lens of each type and consider changes we never would have considered before.

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This is a continuation of the previous blog about how the Enneagram can help us in our relationships with others.  The previous blog introduced the idea of learning to recognize, acknowledge, and receive the gifts and good intentions the different Enneagram types bring to the table.  This is one of many ways the knowledge and understanding of the different types in the Enneagram can help us as we seek to improve specific relationships in our lives.  It’s not a new idea, learning to see from the other person’s point of view, or walk a mile in their shoes is a time tested approach to improving relationships with others.  With the Enneagram, however, we can see a much broader view of others’ perspectives.   Adn the Enneagram helps us see that differences between people can go much deeper than just what is visible on the surface. The last blog discussed Enneagram types One through Five, so I will begin here with type six. 

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This month in our Growing with the Enneagram evening on November 23, we will be learning about how the Enneagram can help us in our relationships. One of the key elements of this is recognizing what the different Enneagram types have to give and being willing to receive these gifts. Most people honestly desire to give to and to participate with others in some way, and we can relate to them better by genuinely understanding and receiving those gifts.

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